My history midterm was this morning. I finally gave up studying last night after it felt like I'd been slamming my head into a wall for about an hour. That was probably for the best, and this morning I had everything organized and ready but was still super nervous. I got up to get ready, but everything just started falling apart.

I realized that I hadn't studied for my French body parts quiz. All of my tabs in my books started slipping out when I tested flipping the pages (they had worked just fine before that). And I burnt my finger for the first time ever on my flat iron. I guess my body went into shock for a second over it, as I simply let my flesh practically catch fire without reacting. When I finally did react, it was by screaming and throwing the iron across the room. Ugh. It hurt so badly that I couldn't do much more than answer Joey's phone call, which was awful because I'd been looking forward to hearing his voice all morning.

I spent all of French being anxious and thought I was going to die sitting in the classroom for fifteen minutes before it started. The exam was really not that bad.

I wish I had paid attention, though, as I wound up answering more questions than I needed to in one section, wasting time I could have used on the essay portion. You'd think I would pay more attention to what is required of me at that sort of time, but no. I jump immediately into answering as much as possible. It shouldn't be like this after all of the tests I've taken over the years, and especially after just yesterday being reminded that my special little Perceiving trait, particularly in conjunction with my other letters, means that I ignore instructions AND SHOULD NOT DO THAT ON MIDTERMS.

If I didn't do well, I can't blame anyone but myself for never learning how to read and follow a fucking set of directions, askdhgaosjoahjoh. FAIL.

My brain was so shot after that exam that when I tried to say hello to a classmate and ask how he did, I couldn't even form a proper sentence. Luckily that one seems to be a smart cookie and could communicate well enough for the both of us.

At least Chinese was easy, and Japanese brought my spirits up a little. Thank you, languages. ♥ I think I'm going to do my French assignment and then turn my brain off for the night, khtxbai.

If this whole probate thing doesn't settle soon and I have to wait a whole fucking year to get one stupid piece of paper that says why my dad died, I won't have to worry about choosing whether or not to stay here anyway. But maybe that is for the best.

I hate money so much.

DAILY RANDOM:

Today in History: 1966 - Star Trek premiered on the NBC television network. AWESOME.

Word: lambent - dealing lightly and gracefully with a subject; brilliantly playful; running or moving lightly over a surface; softly bright or radiant.

Random: The Julian calendar is thirteen days slower than the Gregorian calendar and will remain that way until 2100.

I. am. EXHAUSTED. Waking up at five thirty sucks. But is worth it for one more night of cuddling, so I shouldn't complain.

Due to exhaustion, my brain is not processing things very quickly, and I've sounded very silly in two of my three classes so far today. Bawwwww. And I'm still wondering if this is even what I want. The ambitious part of me screams every time I consider just getting a degree quickly and going into work-a-day life, but another part of me really longs to be around people I love, building a home and spending my days cosplaying and stage combat and video games and other every day sort of things and just enjoying what I have. :|

I don't have to go to school to learn languages, I guess, but nothing else appeals to me in the same way. I think about other degrees and feel bored or trapped. I like learning just about anything, but languages feel so reflexive and creative. They aren't facts facts facts that I'll just forget. They are alive and bring so many possibilities into my world.

But at the same time, I feel like I'm missing out on friends and family and activities that are going to disappear. Not that I'll lose my friends or anything, but certain things end, and I can't devote my time to things I want NOW. Why do I have to be so all freaking about instant gratification anyway? Maybe my mind will be all for that if I can finally bring myself to accept that I might be happy with an average lifestyle. But I don't want to be. I don't want to give up the things I dream of. But I don't want to give up my current desires for the long run that might not even be what I want.

Basically, I want to have my cake and eat it, too. (Which is really a terrible metaphor. Cake will just spoil if you don't eat it, obvs.) WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO?

[/wangst]

Off to study for Arabic test numero dos! Huzzah!

( asdklflakshgklh fuck )

Also, I'm back at 129lbs. I'm being good and trying to lose weight in a "healthy way" (read: not starving myself), but I'd much rather just not eat. But I hated myself when I was like that, and it probably wouldn't help things out right now anyway. I never seem any thinner. It's very frustrating.

Bahhhhh. I will reach my goal weight. And more importantly, I will have straight As, as long as I try hard enough.

DON'T GIVE UP.

The past few days have seen me struggling to get my new-to-me mode of transportation into legal and working order. My baby is an '87 Toyota MR2 (pictures to come eventually), and she is beautiful. ...ish. She's a champagne sort of colour and has two bullet holes in her! 8D But it's a standard, small, and gets great gas mileage, so I really don't care about the rest of it. It just seems like anything that can go wrong does so. I'm not meant to have a car. I should have bought a bike. (Seeing the Mach .5 at mi padre's today made me miss her soooo badly. ARISE, MY PRECIOUS ;O; Hopefully one day we will be together again.)

School starts next week. I'm somewhat anxious and probably won't be able to move in tomorrow due to aforementioned car troubles, but we'll see what I can achieve in the morning, if I can get everything organized and packed. Super excited, but also kind of sad that summer is over. Oh welllll~

This morning at about two I finished I'd Rather Eat Chocolate, and it has me in a very ranty kind of mood, so maybe expect some babbling about sex and society and whatnot within the next few days if I have any time to think straight and write something decent. Huzzah.

That's all for a tiny update; hopefully I can get a better one when I have more time and more frequent ones once I'm settled at school. I'm sad for the loss of Our Lady Beronica, but I can't wait to see Wildcat and everyone else! ♥

I leave with the following meme of DO WANT. 83

the disney meme